Scratch-offs are usually my thing, you know? Thought maybe the lottery gods would appreciate my loyalty. Spoiler? They did not. Just years of sad cardboard and glittery disappointment. One day I was like, you know what, let me lose in HD for once.

Gave online a shot. Ended up on Smart Winners ‘cause the site looked like it wasn’t built in 2003. If I ever win something real here, I’m blocking scratchers like an ex. Here's hoping! 😂